soft skills

During my first years as a speaker and author, the most important factor in my success was the wisdom and experience of my mentors. It would have taken years of research and experience to acquire all the minute details involved in the success I was seeking. Instead, I cut my learning time by at least one half through the guidance of my mentors. The late Cavett Roberts, the dean of professional speaking and founder of the National Speakers' Association, originated the quote, "O.P.E." (Other People's Experience). That's what the mentor-protégés relationship is based upon: other people's experience.

I've found that most people who have become successful in life and/or business are proud to share their knowledge and experience. If you find someone who can act as your mentor, it would be a wonderful experience for both of you. I now act as a mentor for several people. Having discussed mentorship with several friends who are also mentors, we have agreed that there are some tips on the mentor-protégé relationship that would be helpful to pass on. I have listed them in the hopes that you can make the most of one of the best resources available to you—a mentor!

1. As defined by Webster's, a mentor is an adviser, coach/teacher–not a partner or replacement for your active participation. Look upon your mentor as a source of inspiration and information, not a replacement for action.
   
   
2. Be very careful of your mentor's time. The quickest way to alienate a mentor is to be on the telephone, e-mail or in his or her office for repeated information and unimportant details. On the other hand, don't be afraid to ask what you may think is a dumb question. There are no dumb questions, only uninformed, unprepared people. If you have already covered the material or problem and you still have questions, make sure you aren't just being lazy. If you do need further clarification and help, then certainly contact your mentor.
   
   
3. When working with a mentor take careful notes so you don't have to go back for repeated information. Always take notes; they will help you in preparing intelligent, meaningful questions and in retaining the information.
   
   
4. If you are asking advice of a mentor—take it! Proteges, in their enthusiasm, often ask advice and then argue the point. Don't reinvent the wheel.
   
   
5. When you receive advice and suggestions from you mentor, report back on the results or action taken. Your mentor may see that you need a slight adjustment or correction. Small game- plan refinements can be extremely helpful. If you are proceeding correctly and all is well, you need to know that also. Reporting to your mentor will give you this knowledge.

Finally, once you have had a mentor, pass on the legacy. It is a wonderful and rewarding endeavor. One of the fastest ways to go from success to significance is to be a mentor to someone else!

I really like this acronym S.M.A.R.T., because we want to be smart when we set our goals. We want to intelligently decide what our goals will be so that we can actually accomplish them. We want to set the goals that our heart conceives, that our mind believes and that our bodies will carry out. Let's take a closer look at each of the components of S.M.A.R.T. goals:

Specific: Goals are no place to waffle. They are no place to be vague. Ambiguous goals produce ambiguous results. Incomplete goals produce incomplete futures.

When we are specific, we harness the power of our dreams and set forces into action that empower us to achieve our goals. We then know exactly what it is we are shooting for. There is no question. As we establish our priorities and manage our time, we do so for a specific goal to achieve the results we expect. There is no wondering or guessing. The future is locked into our minds and we see it—specifically—and that is powerful! Never underestimate just how important it is to have very specific, concrete goals. They act as magnets that draw you toward them! A S.M.A.R.T. goal is specific.

Measurable: Always set goals that are measurable. I would say "specifically measurable" to take into account our principle of being specific as well. Our goals should be such that we know when we are advancing and by how much. Whether it is by hours, pounds, dollars or whatever, we should be able to see exactly how we are measuring up as we proceed through the journey of life using our goals. Could you imagine if you didn't measure your goals? You would never know which way you were going or even if you were going anywhere! A S.M.A.R.T. goal is measurable.

Attainable: One of the detrimental things that many people do—and they do it with good intentions—is to set goals that are so high they are unattainable. Yes, it is very important to set big goals that cause your heart to soar with excitement, but it is also imperative to make sure that they are attainable. In the next section we talk about being realistic. So what does it mean to be attainable? An attainable goal is one that is both realistic but also attainable in a shorter period of time than what you have to work with. Now when I say attainable, I don't mean easy. Our goals should be set so they are just out of our reach; so they will challenge us to grow as we reach forward to achieve them. After the next paragraph, I will give you an example of a goal that is both attainable and realistic. A S.M.A.R.T. goal is attainable.

Realistic: The root word of realistic is "real." A goal has to be something that we can reasonably make "real" or a "reality" in our lives. There are some goals that simply are not realistic. You have to be able to say, even if it is a tremendously stretching goal, that yes, indeed, it is entirely realistic—that you could make it. You may even have to say that it will take x, y, and z to do it, but if those happen, then it can be done. This is in no way to say it shouldn't be a big goal, but it must be realistic. This is to a great degree, up to the individual. For one person a goal may be realistic, but for another unrealistic. I would encourage you to be very honest with yourself as you do your planning and evaluation. Perhaps it would be good to get a friend to help you (as long as that friend is by nature an optimist and not a pessimist). This can go a long way toward helping you know what is realistic. A S.M.A.R.T. goal is realistic.

Time: Every goal should have a timeframe attached to it. I think that life itself is much more productive for us as humans because there is a timeframe connected to it. Could you imagine how much procrastination there would be on earth if people never died? We would never get "around to it." We could always put it off. One of the powerful aspects of a great goal is that it has an end, a time in which you are shooting to accomplish it. You start working on it because you know there is an end. As time goes by you work because you don't want to get behind. As it approaches, you work diligently because you want to meet the deadline. You may even have to break down a big goal into different measured parts time frames. That is okay. Set smaller goals and work them out in their own time. A S.M.A.R.T. goal has a timeline.

Be sure to spend some reflection time this week to make sure your goals fit the S.M.A.R.T. parameters. Go through the reflection questions below and the action points associated with them. Doing so will put a real engine in your goals and make them charged with power to help you accomplish your dreams.

One of the greatest responsibilities we have is to support ourselves and others in living at our highest and best. Whether we’re parents, partners, friends or leaders, it’s incumbent upon us to help others to live as close to their unique potential as we can.

With everything we say and do, we’re influencing, positively or negatively, the people we care about. The ideal is to do this with consideration and intention. Here are ten ways you can help others see and realize the best that’s within them.

1. Believe in Them: We all have self-doubts from time to time. Our confidence is shaken. We lack the faith in our talents and skills to go for an important promotion or launch a new initiative. Having someone believe in you at these times is priceless. The stories of great men and women are saturated with examples of someone who believed in them even when they didn’t fully believe in themselves.

2. Encourage Them: "You can do it. I know you can." These are words that are all-too-infrequently voiced. Sincere encouragement can go a long way in helping someone stay the course. The more specific you are, the better the results. "I remember when you got through your slump last year and ended up winning the sales contest. I’m willing to bet that you’ll do even better this time."

3. Expect a Lot: We’re often told not to get our hopes up. We’re encouraged to have realistic expectations. But when it comes to helping others operate at their best, we sometimes have to up-level our expectations. This can be taken to extremes, but there are many times when a teacher, a parent or even a boss has required more of us than we thought we were capable. And we’ve risen to the challenge which enabled us to see further than before.

4. Tell the Truth: And tell it with compassion. We often avoid telling the hard truth because we don’t want to upset anyone. We want to be nice. But telling the truth is a loving act. You may be the only person who can or will say to another what needs to be said. And you can confront someone without being combative.

5. Be a Role Model: One of the best ways we influence is by our own actions. Who we are speaks much more loudly than what we say. Don’t think that people aren’t watching you. They are. And they’re registering everything about you consciously and unconsciously. We automatically emulate our role models. And we’re all role models to someone so let’s be good ones.

6. Share Yourself: Too often, we miss the value of sharing our failings. We don’t want to be vulnerable so we hold back. In doing so, we deprive others of our experience, our learning and our humanity. When you share from your own experience, especially your failures, you increase empathy, you’re more approachable and you increase your relatability to others.

7. Challenge Them: The word "challenge" has some negative connotations. The meaning we’re using here is, "a test of one’s abilities or resources in a demanding but stimulating undertaking." We all need to be challenged from time to time. Doing it for another is an art form. Go too far and it will backfire. Go too easy and you will appear patronizing. Remind people of their commitment to being their best and state your challenge. "I challenge you to overcome these unimportant opinions and get on with the real task at hand, get the job done, make the commitment, etc."

8. Ask Good Questions: A good therapist or coach doesn’t tell their clients what to do. They ask good questions in order for the client to understand themselves better, to get clear on what the issue is and from there to make good choices. You can do the same. By asking elegant questions, you cause people to think and come up with solutions. They’ll appreciate it.

9. Acknowledge Them: You find what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for the best in someone, you’ll see it. If you’re looking for their failings, you’ll see those. Catch people doing things right and tell them. When we acknowledge the good deeds of others, they tend to do more of them. Write a note. Send a card. Give them a call. Praise them in front of others.

10. Spend Time With Them: We love what we give our time to. By devoting your most precious resource (time) to another individual, you’re showing them that you truly value them and your relationship with them. Invest time in your relationships; it’s what life is made of.

Believe you were made to do any task without calling for aid.

Believe, without growing too scornfully proud,
that you, as the greatest and least are endowed.

A mind to do thinking, two hands and two eyes
are all the equipment God gives to the wise.

Believe in yourself!

You are divinely designed and perfectly made
for the work of mankind.

The truth you must cling to through danger and pain;
the heights others have reached you can also attain.

Believe to the very last hour, for it is true.
That what ever you will, you've been gifted to do.

Believe in yourself and step out unafraid.

By misgivings and doubt be not easily swayed.

You've the right to succeed;
the precision of skill which betokens the great
you can earn if you will!

The wisdom of the ages is yours if you'll read.

But you've got to believe in yourself to succeed.

Dr. Seymour Epstein of the University of Massachusetts researched the thinking styles of highly successful people.… The most interesting survey result was the fact that superachievers think differently than average achievers.

Dr. Epstein found nine key differences:

1. Superachievers think in ways that make them less sensitive to disapproval and rejection. They brush off rejection faster.
   
   
2. They think in ways that facilitate effective action.
   
   
3. Their thoughts are more focused on the task at hand and they refuse to let their minds drift to unpleasant events of the past.
   If they cannot do anything about a negative situation, they do not worry about it and they move on with their lives.
   
   
4. They do not engage in superstitious thoughts.
   
   
5. The think that failures are an important source of learning and refuse to equate failure with low self-worth. Thinking constructively saves them from wasting time and suffering psychological pain.
   
   
6. They do not restrict their thinking by establishing rigid patterns. They do not divide others into "winners" and "losers," but accept people for who they are as individuals.
   
   
7. They think thoughts through without jumping to false conclusions. They are able to see their actions and the world in a healthy and realistic perspective. They are optimists, yet think realistically.
   
   
8. They welcome challenges with optimism and without fear. When they face difficulties, they find ways to look at the positive side of life.
   
   
9. They do not waste time in unproductive, esoteric, or catastrophic thoughts. They think constructively and they know that their level of thinking determines their level of success.

Otak manusia terdiri lebih dari 100 miliar syaraf yang masing-masing terkait dengan 10 ribu syaraf lain. Bayangkan, dengan kerumitan otak seperti itu, maka Anda wajib menyayangi otak Anda cukup dengan menghindari kebiasaan-kebiasaan buruk yang sering disepelekan.

Otak adalah organ tubuh vital yang merupakan pusat pengendali sistem syaraf pusat. Otak mengatur dan mengkordinir sebagian besar gerakan, perilaku dan fungsi tubuh homeostasis seperti detak jantung, tekanan darah, keseimbangan cairan tubuh dan suhu tubuh.

Otak juga bertanggung jawab atas fungsi seperti pengenalan, emosi. ingatan, pembelajaran motorik dan segala bentuk pembelajaran lainnya.

Sungguh suatu tugas yang sangat rumit dan banyak. Maka, hindarilah kebiasaan buruk di bawah jika Anda masih ingin otak Anda bekerja dengan baik.


1. Tidak mau sarapan

Banyak orang menyepelekan sarapan, padahal tidak mengkonsumsi makanan di pagi hari menyebabkan turunnya kadar gula dalam darah. Hal ini berakibat pada kurangnya masukan nutrisi pada otak yang akhirnya berakhir pada kemunduran otak.


2. Kebanyakan makan

Terlalu banyak makan mengeraskan pembuluh otak yang biasanya menuntun kita pada menurunnya kekuatan mental.


3. Merokok

Merokok ternyata berakibat sangat mengerikan pada otak kita. Bayangkan, otak kita bisa menyusut dan akhirnya kehilangan fungsi-fungsinya. Tak ayal diwaktu tua kita rawan Alzheimer.


4. Terlalu banyak mengkonsumsi gula

Terlalu banyak asupan gula akan menghalangi penyerapan protein dan gizi sehingga tubuh kekurangan nutrisi dan perkembangan otak terganggu.


5. Polusi udara

Otak adalah bagian tubuh yang paling banyak menyerap udara. Terlalu lama berada di lingkungan dengan udara berpolusi membuat kerja otak tidak efisien.


6. Kurang tidur

Tidur memberikan kesempatan otak untuk beristirahat. Sering melalaikan tidur membuat sel-sel otak justru mati kelelahan.


7. Menutup kepala ketika sedang tidur

Tidur dengan kepala yang ditutupi merupakan kebiasaan buruk yang sangat berbahaya karena karbondioksida yang diproduksi selama tidur terkonsentrasi sehingga otak tercemar. Jangan heran kalau lama kelamaan otak menjadi rusak.


8. Berpikir terlalu keras ketika sedang sakit

Bekerja keras atau belajar ketika kondisi tubuh sedang tidak fit juga memperparah ketidakefektifan otak.


9. Kurangnya stimulasi otak

Berpikir adalah cara terbaik untuk melatih kerja otak. Kurang berpikir justru membuat otak menyusut dan akhirnya tidak berfungsi maksimal.


10. Jarang bicara

Percakapan intelektual biasanya membawa efek bagus pada kerja otak.

Kehidupan terus menerus berubah, yang tidak berubah adalah perubahan itu sendiri, apapun yang kita tekuni, baik itu di dunia bisnis, politik, jasa, atlit ataupun profesional dan bidang2 lainnya, Semua kondisi itu selalu dalam keadaan berubah terus menerus, demikian pula dengan kondisi sukses atau gagal yang kita alami hari ini, semuanya tidak tetap selalu berubah dari saat ke saat.

Kita ambil contoh:
Jika hari ini kita mengalami kegagalan, bukan berarti besok tetap gagal, asal tahu di mana letak kelemahan2 yang harus diperbaiki,maka usaha kita selanjutnya, memungkinkan untuk merubah kegagalan menjadi kesuksesan, namun kalau kita tidak berusaha untuk bangkit dari kegagalan maka kondisi gagal akan semakin membawa kita pada keterpurukan, frustasi dan depresi, yang pada akhirnya hanya mampu menghibur diri sendiri dengan apatis dan berkata. ya...kegagalanku ini memang sudah nasibku.

Kesuksesan yang telah kita raih hari ini, tidak berarti besok kita akan tetap sukses!
Karena dalam kenyataannya Para pesaing kita, baik yang telah kita kenal, kita ketahui atau yang baru muncul dan tidak kita ketahui, mereka semua melakukan aktifitasnya dengan segenap kemampuan dan berbagai cara untuk mengembangkan usaha mereka secara maksimal.
Kalau kesuksesan yang yang telah kita raih membuat kita manja, lengah dan angkuh, maka bisa dipastikan secara berangsur angsur kita akan mengalami kemunduran. Kenapa bisa mundur? Ya karena kondisi itu terus berubah, mempertahankan kesuksesan jauh lebih sulit dari pada menciptakannya, begitu kita manja, semangat menjadi kendor.
agar supaya kesuksesan yg telah kita raih tetap berada di genggaman kita, kita harus melakukan persiapan yang dibutuhkan dan sikap mental yang mau tetap belajar dalam memoles diri, serta siap berjuang dengan lebih keras lagi, hanya dengan cara seperti itu minimal kita tetap eksis dengan kesuksesan yang telah kita dapatkan dan maksimal kita akan meraih sukses yang lebih luar biasa!

Tentu tidak menjadi berlebihan untuk selalu mengingatkan pada diri sendiri, bahwa:

KESUKSESAN HARI INI TIDAK BERARTI BESOK KITA AKAN MERAIH SUKSES LAGI, TANPA KESIAPAN DAN BERJUANG LEBIH KERAS,
MAKA KESUKSESAN SULIT KITA PERTAHANKAN!!